Today was not a bad day but not a happy day. It was just a day that I am probably going to forget forever as soon as this week is over.
This really scary thought keeps pestering at me too, I keep thinking that I'm going to lose all my friends after this year is gone. Most of them are seniors and I know that as soon as they go their ways, it will be like they never existed. Like I made them up in my own mind...They're not the type of people I can replace nor are they the type of people that I would want to replace. I'm going to miss them...so much. They don't know how much they mean to me either; I'm too damn shy! There's so many things I wish to say but every time I wish to say them, the words are never right and then my head is spinning and I just want to disappear in a box that can contain all of my emotions and keep them where they should be...inside.
I've also decided that I will never ever EVER major in chemistry or any type of science. I hate it!!! It seems as though no matter how hard I try and how much I study I can't amount to anything in their!! :( whatever. Grades and school are not something I want to think about on my 15 minute break.
I haven't loved someone in a while. It will almost be a year...in June. It's not that I don't want to love either...It's just that there's no one that has caught my eye yet...I don't know. I'm not very good at relationships. I'm too shy; I couldn't even have a regular conversation with my ex that's how bad it was! Eh, maybe I'm just not ready to love even though I can assure you I wish I was. Well, there's always a time for everything, I guess romance will have to wait and stay in my dreams where everything is usually the way things should be...except for yesterday. I had the strangest dream about my ex's mother and she was going off to the military. But it was strange because I was in this big house with all my friends and we were standing in line for some type of magazine. It was sooo bizarre; I woke up and just couldn't figure it out...I still can't. Well, my break's up :( Hopefully I can get on on Thursday. Tomorrow is gonna be the another busy day with 3 tests, a meeting for people running for an office spot, and then another meeting with schools around the state in our little uptown city. More laterss
love,
Ana
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