Happy 4/20...I like You.

You're in my head.

Still smiling that stupid, irresistible smile; the one no girl, especially one like me, is safe from.

You really do smoke. You really do need something to keep you on that supposed "wonderful high." So today must be your day, isn't it? I bet, later on today or maybe at night who knows, you'll be with your "friends" smoking a j and swigging down some Ecstasy. Oh come on, baby. We all know you do it now. I know you do it now.

How does it feel honey? To be the smartest, nicest, and hottest kid in school and yet, be a drug addict. Maybe I'm going to far, maybe you're not addicted. You can "stop whenever" you'd like can't you?

God I don't understand. You could be anything you want and you choose to be this?! Why can't you see what I see? Why is it that I see such a wonderful person and all you do to yourself is kill yourself. Such a slow way to die. I don't need you. I don't know you. And I certainly don't love you. But you know what willy? I LIKE you. I really really like YOU. And you don't know, and you probably will never know. These past 5 days, you've been running circles in my head and the same thought keeps crossing my mind. "What if he gets hurt? What will I do? What will his family and friends do? Who will we become without such a wonderful person in our lives?"

I think I know what I've been trying to deny for these past few days. Not only was I trying to deny liking you, but also, I was trying to stop caring. It is so difficult to stop caring for someone when you want to help them. But who am I? I'm just a girl. You're just a boy. We live on the same world yet on totally different universes. Gosh, it sucks.

It sucks because I want you so bad. And I can't have you at all.