April 11, 2009

I Don't Know Why I Didn't Come...


It looks beautiful outside, so sunny that I could almost taste the happiness it brings. And yet, I'm stuck here in this prison of mine. I promised myself that when I graduate from high school I will travel the world. How? I don't know but I do know that I will be doing it. I'm sick of my life. I have no real friends, my family seems to be moving and leaving me behind, and I lost the one person who meant so much to me. He was the only person who loved me when I said I hated the world, the only one to be there in my moments of pain. But now, he seems to have disappeared and I want change so badly. Someone once told me that high school is supposed to be one of the greatest times of your life. I would just like to tell that person that you are the stupidest and most naive person I have ever met; HIGH SCHOOL SUCKS!!! Especially if you're a perfectionist who tries so hard to excel but can't get the grades you want. I'm ready to give up...actually, I really want to just stop caring. But I can't.

So this is it huh? This is how life is supposed to be. I'm forever condemned to live a boring life, work in an office, scrape by to make a living, get married, have children, cook and clean for other people, forget who I am and who I once was, become a zombie who is satisfied with the same routine, the same faces, SAME SAME SAME SAME! ugh! I want so much more to happen! I want to wake up and every day is different. I want to travel and learn about the other people who surround us. I want to take risks and I want to succeed, and I want to love and to live. And yet, here I am. Stuck in the same old fricking house, with the same uncaring friends,and the same grades as last week and last year and the year before that. I'm trapped.

love,

Ana

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