Can't I Be A Kid For Just A Little Longer?

So far, this summer has been a total repeat of last year...with the exception of a painful break up. But there has been romance "issues". The whole "Willie" phase of my life is totally over. I don't know what I was thinking mainly because when it comes to romance, I'm a complete fool. My mind dissconnects from my heart and common sense is lost. Sometimes I don't mind it, atleast I'm with someone that I truly and whole heartedly like. Other times, I wish I wasn't so stupid about it and always let my heart choose because I know I miss out on some great people simply because my heart isn't attracted to them. For example, David Percent. My best friend. Probably the most amazing guy I have ever met. Perfect. SO why am I not dating the most "perfect" person for me? Not because I'm scared of ruining our friendship although that is a little concerning, but because I'm not attracted to him in the least bit physically. My heart is simply not "into" pursuing probably what would be the best relationship of my life, maybe even my last. Yep, that's how serious I am about it. My mind knows that me and him are like peanut butter and jelly, we just work. But my heart isn't dumb, we don't "work" in a romantic way, more of a friendly way. He's my best friend, and I'm thankful for that. But sometimes, I feel like he still likes me, like he never got over me from last summer. I hope he has, I just don't think we will ever date. There's really no chance of it unless my eyes become deceived and I some how fall "in love" with him. I don't know, I personally don't think I'm ready for a relationship. I still need to figure myself out and grow in my relationship with God more. And while my body yearns to kiss and love and all that other PDA, I just don't think I'm ready for it. I want this summer to be different, to figure out what God wants me to do with his life and I want to learn and grow and be the girl God wanted me to be. All in all, I'm looking for a change ONLY God can make. I'm ready to finally give him all the pieces and ask him to make a masterpiece. I know I only have maybe two good pieces and the others are either cracked, scratched, or broken, but I'm asking him to replace and renew everything in my life. Especially, me. So God, if you can read this, change me please. How I yearn to live for you, to find out what you want me to do. Please, please just direct me, say you're here, that you'll change me. :) I am learning to love you, learning more about you. Please, help me do just that God.

Love, (in the name of Jesus Christ)
Ana (Amen)