God...

Why is everyone leaving me?

I love them all so much, and you're letting them go without me!

I'm afraid...next year will be so different. I will probably never see anyone I care about ever again and it scares me! I hate losing people. I usually go into things thinking it'll last a lifetime; I shouldn't have done that with these guys. But God, even though they don't care for me, I love them so much. I really really do. If anything happened, I'd be there. God, please forbid anything to happen to them! I don't want to lose them...but they're leaving and I've lost them already. In fact, I never had them. But oh, how I've wanted them all. You see, only you and I know how much I care about them. They don't know about it...and I don't think they'd care to know about it. I am so afraid God. I am going into a new school year with hardly any friends, a certainty that it will be so hard I will want you to take me away, and classes that are going to be a challenge. I should have prayed about this earlier but I didn't know Audra had moved away...everyone is leaving and in the worst way possible. Without a goodbye! If they at least said goodbye, it wouldn't hurt as much as finding out they were gone forever. I can't let go so I need you to do it for me...please! How can I go on and take out what you have planned for me if I am stuck in the past and wish for so many things I cannot change? Change me, fill me, breathe me. I need to live for you, to make you happy. I love you...I love you oh so much. And I can't do this alone! I feel like I'm about to cry. These people were all I had when I moved here and now life is going on and it's going on without me. They have all grown away from me but I have loved them even so. God, please, I just want to long and yearn for you. NOT for the mere friendship from people who don't care for me! Please god, let me see that they don't care and that you have wonderful things for me in store! Please, Lord, Jesus, help me let go and move on. How I beg you to quiet down the nerves that stir every fiber in my being at this moment. I am tired of wrestling the same thing, please wrestle it for me. It has made me weak and hurt me so many times. Take it. My friendships, my exes, my love life, my hurt...take it all. I don't want it anymore. I just want to serve you and shine in your light...yes. That is all I want.

In the name of Jesus Christ, the lord,

Amen.